How to Recognize a Jew

Perhaps it's only a matter of persistence, but it always seemed to me that Lubavitchers have an uncanny ability for sleuthing out a Jew in crowd in their attempt to get someone to don a pair of tefillin. For a while I thought that they had some mystical way of determining those with a nefesh elokus from those with only a nefesh beheimah (per the Tanya) but then I discovered that they must be relying on something more mundane. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is rather a simple matter to distinguish a Jew from other common folk. Just refer to this checklist which describes the physical characteristics of the Jew:

• Restless suspicious eyes
• Curved nose and nostrils
• Ill-shapen ears of great size like those of a bat
• Thick lips and sharp rat's teeth
• Round knees
• Low brow
• Long clammy fingers
• Flat feet
• Repulsive rear view
  

Here is a handy picture to assist you with your search:



For more details, see The American Jew and The Original Mr. Jacobs, both by Telemachus Thomas Timayenis. These startling exposés date to the late 1800s, and are available in their entirety courtesy of Google Books.

ADDENDUM: Timayenis (1853-1918) was a Greek immigrant who was a champion of oppressed Greek peddlers in Boston. "Telemachus Thomas Timayenis is an extremely problematic figure in Greek-American history. Before his death in Boston Timayenis was involved in a long stream of legal battles and would commit what we know today as ‘hate crimes.’" For more, see here.