Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Great Dinosaur Mystery

I recently came upon a very important book on paleontology: The Great Dinosaur Mystery and the Bible. Although written specifically for a Christian audience, it is on my "required reading" list as it solves many problems relating to the Bible, the Great Flood, and Dinosaurs. Because I feel that educated folks should know about the true facts regarding dinosaurs, and not just rely on the statements of atheistic scientists, the following is a summary of the book for your edification. Everything below in quotes is taken directly from the text...

Where Did Dinosaurs Come From?

Slacking off on your Bible studies, have we? They were created by God on the fifth day of creation! If you forgot, just refer to Genesis 1:20-21. But what comes as a real shock to secularist unbelievers is that "Man and dinosaurs lived at the same time"! This is known as the Dr. Frederick Flintstone Theory of Contemporaneous Habitation, a bedrock of modern paleological and anthropological studies.

The above is an artist's conception of creation, often confused with the Legendary Sublime Designer (LSD) model of origins because of the artist's creative use of color and imagery.

Are Dinosaurs in the Bible?

Silly, everything is in the Bible! "Behemoth means kingly, gigantic beasts. Tannin is a term which includes dragon-like animals and the great sea creatures such as whales, giant squids, and marine reptiles like the plesiosaurs". The best description of a dinosaur-like animal is in Job chapter 40 (which, by the way, was "probably written around 2,000 years before Jesus was born".) In Job, "God describes a great king of the land animals like some of the biggest dinosaurs, the Diplodocus and Apatosaurus."

Yes, I know that Rabbi Natan Slifkin has shown how tannin is really a crocodile and behemoth is most likely a hippo, but everyone knows that he is considered a heretic by the greatest Jewish rabbis.

Why Did God Create Dinosaurs?

I dunno, "God's exact purpose for the various dinosaurs is still a mystery". Perhaps they "kept certain types of lush plant life under control and cleared paths through the forest". Possibly it was to keep Adam entertained, for God "waited while Adam made up a new name for each one. Each new animal must have been a fun surprise".

Why Did Dinosaurs Become Extinct?

The latest theory is that the dinosaurs were killed by a meteorite, but the only evidence of this is iridium in certain clay layers, and it is "buried in tons of hardened mud and sands called sediment". This suggests that "something more than asteroids was involved in the death and extinction of dinosaurs". Although "at least 55 different theories have been suggested and then thrown out because of problems", it will now be revealed what the real cause was:

Where Did Most of the Dinosaur Fossils Come From?

From the Great Flood! This is easy to prove, since "Quick flood burial would be the only way that so many dinosaurs and other things could have become fossilized in the way scientists have found them."

Did Noah Take Dinosaurs on Board the Ark?

Because we know that one set of every kind of air-breathing land animal was on board the ark, dinosaurs must have been included. It had plenty of room for all of the animals, although "young animals would be small and easier to care for and would use of less food. It would have been foolish to fill up space on the Ark with the oldest, biggest adults". And Noah certainly was no shmendrick!

After the Flood, What Happened to the Dinosaurs?

Well they "lived for at least a few centuries after the Flood", but "no one knows exactly when they finally died out". Although numerous reasons are given in this tome (extreme temperatures, no more huge forests, solar radiation), "sinful people may have caused dinosaur deaths in an even more direct way. [Like the mammoths and mastodons], it could be that in ancient times, people also killed dinosaurs for meat or because of the problems these animals caused". (Like owners of pet dinos not obeying pooper scooper laws?)

Are Any Dinosaurs Alive Today?

Yes, "there is some evidence that a few dinosaurs and great marine reptiles could still be alive, teetering on the edge of extinction. Natives in a very remote jungle in Africa have repeatedly told of seeing large animals a lot like the sauropod dinosaurs. A group of natives may have killed a small one in 1959. Some scientists have studied the report and are planning trips into the deep jungle. They hope to find a dinosaur still alive". More evidence follows for the existence of pterosaurs in Zimbabwe, Plesiosaurus in New Zealand, and the Rolling Stones in England.

Dinosaurs and You: Important Things to Remember

Whoa, was I wrong! Although I knew that dinosaurs didn't evolve from reptiles and amphibians, I thought it was God that created them perfectly finished. It wasn't till the end of this book that I was set straight: it was Jesus who did it! Yep, JC created the great dinosaurs, the stars, and you! And don't worry, "the Earth will one day be restored to the perfect, beautiful place it once was and we will see the dinosaurs (and all extinct animals)" alive again! Now I don't feel so bad about that Dwarf blue sheep steak that I had for dinner! (Well they are kosher, aren't they?)


Anonymous said...

Too funny. I bet that book is reads better when high. Really fucking high.

beehive said...


I'm a little confused. Was this book written by a Jewish author for Christians? Is this why the explanations are so simple? It seems like the author is taking down to its audience.

Frum Heretic said...

Paul S. Taylor is a Christian author. See

-suitepotato- said...

That pic of the guy looking into the dinosaur's eyes is creepy on multiple levels.

Ojalanpoika said...

Ever saw figures of Dinoglyfs & Dinolits documented by man in the historical era:

Let's remember that the longest and most detailed description of ANY animal in the Jewish Scriptures was having to do with "dragon" leviathan (Job 40-41). Other names were behemoth, rahab and tannin. The latter seems to be a general word for them as a group. Curiously, it is the term used in the very first chapter of the Bible. Actually, tannin were the animals created first according to Genesis. In Job 40, G*d calls behemot as the first animal come up with.

Here's my critique against the current dating convention:
Biochemist, drop-out (M.Sci. Master of Sciing)

Dani said...

Good post.

Yirmiahu said...

"Yes, "there is some evidence that a few dinosaurs and great marine reptiles could still be alive, teetering on the edge of extinction"

"Still, of all cryptids -- including dragons, unicorns, griffins, fireborn salamanders, nd mermaids -- the sea serpent is te one which is by far the most likely to exist...There is an enormous amount of reliable eyewitness testimony fr the sea serpent, in some cases fom numerous simultaneus witnesses. Whether it is some sort of long-necked seal, giant eel, surviving plesiosaurus, or some other unknown denizen of the deep,it is cerainly biologiclly viable."

Rabbi Noson Slifkin, "Mysterious Creatures" page 154.

Frum Heretic said...

What are you suggesting, that T Rex lived in 2400 BCE?

Yirmiahu said...

Of course not, and that was in no way inferred by either passage. I just find it ironic that you ridicule the notion that dinosaurs may still exist in the same post you backhandedly defend someone who made a similar suggestion.

Frum Heretic said...

Gimmeabreak; the book isn't talking about Coelacanth or sporadic cryptid species. I am ridiculing the notion that Apatosaurus and Pterosaurs - both of which are depicted in the book - existed 2400 BCE. This is widely believed by creationists.

Yirmiahu said...

"I am ridiculing the notion that Apatosaurus and Pterosaurs - both of which are depicted in the book - existed 2400 BCE. This is widely believed by creationists."

Sorry, I wasn't the one who picked the quote, you are. The quote you picked and I referenced spoke about Dinosaurs being alive today and specifically mentioned the Plesiosaurus just as Mysterious Creatures did.