Monday, April 13, 2009

How to Recognize a Jew

Perhaps it's only a matter of persistence, but it always seemed to me that Lubavitchers have an uncanny ability for sleuthing out a Jew in crowd in their attempt to get someone to don a pair of tefillin. For a while I thought that they had some mystical way of determining those with a nefesh elokus from those with only a nefesh beheimah (per the Tanya) but then I discovered that they must be relying on something more mundane. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is rather a simple matter to distinguish a Jew from other common folk. Just refer to this checklist which describes the physical characteristics of the Jew:
  • Restless suspicious eyes
  • Curved nose and nostrils
  • Ill-shapen ears of great size like those of a bat
  • Thick lips and sharp rat's teeth
  • Round knees
  • Low brow
  • Long clammy fingers
  • Flat feet
  • Repulsive rear view
Here is a handy picture to assist you with your search:

For more details, see The American Jew and The Original Mr. Jacobs, both by Telemachus Thomas Timayenis. These startling exposés date to the late 1800s, and are available in their entirety courtesy of Google Books.

ADDENDUM: Timayenis (1853-1918) was a Greek immigrant who was a champion of oppressed Greek peddlers in Boston. "Telemachus Thomas Timayenis is an extremely problematic figure in Greek-American history. Before his death in Boston Timayenis was involved in a long stream of legal battles and would commit what we know today as ‘hate crimes.’" For more, see here.


G*3 said...

Disturbing. It’s mostly a series of unsubstantiated anecdotes written with a negative a spin. Jewish traders on Wall Street are described as having wedged themselves in despite the best efforts of good Christians, and ruining the exchange for those upstanding citizens. It sounds a lot like Nazi-guided public opinion in Germany in the ‘30s. German Jews who were proud of their contributions to society faced claims that they had infiltrated and taken over German sciences, medicine, literature, etc.

Yael said...

this is unbelievable. one nytimes article from 1888 claims that timayenis himself was jewish. what do you think?

A Pusheter Yid said...

So judging by the ears, Obama is Jewish after all. Hence the Seder he presided.

Frum Heretic said...

WOW! I had thought that "Telemachus Thomas Timayenis" was a nom de plume. It never occurred to me that this was anything other than an anonymous author but - sure enough - there are some "legitimate" works on by this guy. Of course, based on the vile contents of his works mentioned in the post, I wouldn't give much credence to his other works either...

Yael said...

any research into his ethnic identity?

Frum Heretic said...

I have updated the post with a link that provides more info on Timayenis (who was Greek and probably not Jewish.) See the addendum at the end.

Yael said...

Thank you. If you view the pdf from this link, it mentions his jewish heritage:

tthtghgg said...

if i have 2 from this signs feet and fingers does this authomaticly mean that im jew ?

Frum Heretic said...

If I have none of the signs does it mean that I'm not?

Anonymous said...

Such a racism..
We are the jews are not like this! we are all balanced! Whoever posted this bullsh*t, may find himself embarresed..

Such a racism.

Anonymous said...

this article is a shame for the author and people supporting it.

sad case of a sad sect.

Anonymous said...

Wow go back to Nazi Germany you racist turd.
Not only have the Jewish people that i've met in my lifetime been the nicest people i've ever met, they're also usually pretty intelligent and classy.

It sounds like your parents threw you head first into a wall when you were a baby.. and i'm deeply sorry for that.